You know the feeling you get when you make a plan? For some people, its a mild form of internalized panic as you feel the doors and windows shutting. For others, it feels like the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place. Sometimes it's pure, paralyzing fear. I have to admit, in the past year I can think of innumerable instances when I've had to make a choice and felt each of these different ways.
I'm at a point in my life when choices have to be made, and believe me, putting your head in the sand does help at all. It's hard to believe it's been scarcely 6 months since I was sitting in a dry bathtub in a Singapore hotel room crying my heart out because of missed opportunities.
Some days I look back on the decisions I've made, to come to Thailand, to stay with JW, to not play Basketball, to apply to LSE; sure, some of them weren't the best choices to make, but when I think about it, I'm a relatively happy, healthy person.More importantly, the world hasn't ended.
As terrifying as making plans, and the necessary choices can be, that's the important thing to remember. The world goes bumpity bump,(in Father Joe's words), no matter what happens.
The last few days have involved calls to my mum in which she first asks me "Have you heard anything from universities yet?", to which I honestly reply no. She then tells me "About this summer . . . Em and I (insert positive or negative) coming to Canada with you. " Three times that's changed, and each times its another loop on the emotional roller coaster.
I met A's mum Y on Saturday, as she's in Bangkok for a week to certify a school. I woke her up at 9, and we talked solid until 5. And you know what we talked about?
Plans about getting a job, plans about university, plans about JW and A, plans for Mum, choices that we all have to make in order to make the necessary plans.
I guess there just comes a point when you just have to sit down, buckle up, and breathe before the next turn comes and you've fallen out of the car.